Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Bigger, Stronger, Faster*: A flick on steriods

Are steroids as American as Fruit Loops and Hula Hoops?
Are users cheating or competing?
Is injecting roids to soar like popping pills to snore?
These are just a few questions documentarian Chris Bell asks in "Bigger, Stronger, Faster*."
Part Michael Moore, part Morgan Spurlock ("Super Size Me") Bell aims his camera at his family. Of three brothers, he's the sole non-user. Is he the simp? The wimp? The real winner?
You'll have to supply the answers.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Speed Racer: The Fast and the Fantabulous

The critics deep-sixed it. But The Movie Slut had to see for herself.
What she saw was a cartoon/video game/movie with real actors and a comic book theme: The triumph of good over evil.
She also saw Emile Hirsch, who should have won Oscar's best actor for "Into the Wild." What wrong with you, Academy of Motion-Sickness?
She also saw Susan Sarandon, John Goodman and a flick so over-the-top that it makes Everest look like an anthill.
Fun? You bet. Feel the need for Speed.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Baby Mama: Kitchy Koo

Amy Poehler and Tina Fey tackle a comedy with a question.
Can you have it all?
More specifically, can Ms. Fey, a careerist with a sub-standard uterus and no man in sight, fulfill her deepest bambino yearnings?
What do you think?
The Movie Slut was delighted to discover that "Baby Mama" isn't all pat predictability. Cameos by Sigourney Weaver and Steve Martin add to the fun.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Nim's Island: Rated G for Glorious

Who could resist Jodie Foster as an agoraphobic adventure writer, or Gerard Butler as her swashbuckling protagonist or Abigail Breslin ("Little Miss Sunshine") as the eponymous Nim, who finds herself home alone on an island of indeterminate longitude and latitude?
Certainly not The Movie Slut.
Still, with all its rollicking fun, this movie really speaks to the power of the written word.
Can Book Slut Reviews be far behind?

Sunday, May 11, 2008

What Happens in Vegas — Not

Mercifully, most of "What Happens in Vegas" does not happen in Vegas. It happens in Brooklyn.
And the borough, which never looked so resplendent, is the real star of this inane, unromantic, romantic comedy. It co-stars Cameron Diaz's wardrobe. (The gold dress!!!!!) Ashton Kutcher rounds out the cast and is no slouch.
Alas, no one could revive the stupidest script since "Glitter."

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Mongol Mayhem

If "make war, not love" is your mantra, this one's for you.
Three epic battles drive "Mongol," a biopic about Genghis Khan. That's a lot of head-hurtling, blood-splatting, spear-soaring,arrow-flying and warrior groaning.
Meanwhile, the sole sex scene is discretely tucked behind a fuzzy curtain.
Russian Director Sergei Bodrov is so considerate. He obviously doesn't want to violate the delicate sensibilities of movie-goers.

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Chic Flick Meets Dick Flick

OK. So Patrick Dempsey is no Seth Rogan.
In "Made of Honor," he's McDicky, a real prick. Which is why guys will dig this romantic comedy set in a fictitious New York, where you can actually find a parking space on the street.
But gals will love it, too, because McDicky not only gets what's coming to him. But in the end, he gets it, too.

Strike while "Iron Man" is Hot

Robert Downey Jr. elevates this booming, special-effecty, pyrotechy, summer blockbuster to soaring heights. Tap into your inner child, suspend with disbelief and smile your way through this superhero spectacular. The movie slut did.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

88 Minutes: Tick Tock Schlock

Timing is everything.
First, wait 88,000,000 minutes.
Then rent this sicko, sadistic silly serial-killer flick staring Al Pacino.
Invite 8 of your closest friends to the viewing. See who finds 88 groaners.
Oh how the movie slut loves this movie! It fits neatly into her fave genre: Movies that are so bad, they're good.

Monday, April 28, 2008

The Forbidden Kingdom Swipes Three Golden Staffs

What do you get when you cross "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" with "Fists of Fury," "Rocky" and "The Wizard of Oz?"
If you said the new Jackie Chan/Jet Li gravity-defying, sword-flying, kung fu-fighting flick, you win a gulp of immortalizing elixir.
In "The Forbidden Kingdom," four wanderers journey to the Jade Mountain (Emerald City) in search of the Monkey King (wise wizard).
Why does the movie slut dig this pastiche? Because she knows there are no new stories and embraces ones with the message, "find your own truth.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

The Band's Visit Earns Five Grace Notes

A funny thing happens on the way to the Arab Cultural Center in Israel.
The Egyptian band set to perform at the opening ceremony gets hopelessly lost. With their gold-braided, robins egg blue uniforms slapped against the desert sands, these guys couldn't look more alien. And yet...
If only Arab/Israeli relations followed this script, the Movie Slut would dance the hora.
You will too, if you take in this serene, soulful, soft-hearted flick.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Street Kings: Three Crowns for Keanu

Keanu Reeves had The Movie Slut at "Speed."
"The Matrix" solidified her devotion.
She even forgave him for "The Lake House."
Now he's a hard-drinking, hotheaded, fast-shooting, blue-bleeding L.A. cop of "Serpico" ilk. Based on a story by James Ellroy ("L.A. Confidential) "SK" is a giddy, gory, gangsta-meets-good guy tour de force that only a Keanu queen could love. And she does.
Also stomping the street: Forest Whitaker, Hugh Laurie (sans limp) and John Corbett, "Sex and the City's" Aidan.

The Life Before Her Eyes Gets a See+

And...The Sherlock Holmes Movie Viewer Sleuth Award goes to you — IF — you figure out what this edge-of-your-seat flick is all about.
The Movie Slut was baffled. The Movie Slut was riveted.
In the aftermath of a Columbine-like disaster, we meet a weird Uma Thurman. Is she suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome? Survivor guilt? Bored housewife psychosis? Or some icky condition you wouldn't guess in a gazillion years unless you read the book by Laura Kasischke.
Evan Rachel Wood is captivating as Uma, the younger.
As the movie zigzags from past to present, The Movie Slut was ever more confused and fascinated. It's your turn, now. Seeing is believing?

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Forgetting Sarah Marshall: No condoms!

Thinking about seeing this movie?
Fuggedaboudit! Unless your standards are as low as the Movie Slut's.
"Forgetting SM" is a variation on the slacker-dude-meet-sophisticated-chick romantic comedy/dick flick. This time the guy is actually cute (Jason Segel) and the gal less than perfect (Kristen Bell of TV's "Veronica Mars.")
A good start. Unfortunately the groans outnumber the grins.
Funny moments, like a breakup scene with Jason in the buff — totally, are outnumbered by played out jokes — fat guys in grass skirts. Yes, we're in Hawaii...again.
In the end, the whole is far less than the sum of its parts. You do the math.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Shine a Light Earns Five Glowing Condoms

Sometimes you can get what you want.
And more.
That's what Martin Scorsese's Rolling Stones concert flick delivers.
Mick and the guys rock like it's 1964. Talk about satisfaction!
Don't miss this one. The Movie Slut thinks it's the best concert film since Scorsese's 1978 gem — "The Last Waltz."

The Visitor Drums Up Harsh Reality

Drum roll, puh-leze.
Here's another heartfelt immigration flick sure to bring Lou Dobbs's blood to boil. (See "Under the Same Moon.")
This one revolves around a droopy college professor. Another contemporary theme? (See "Smart People.")
But the real stars of this unsentimental take on our immigration disaster are Tarek, a Syrian musician, and his girlfriend, Zainab, a Senegalese jewelry designer.
This modern-day Romeo and Juliet aren't threatened by familial feuds, but inhumane governmental policy.
The Movie Slut was enchanted by another star in this must-see film: New York City in all its marvelous multi-cultural madness.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

21 Wins Three Condoms and a Calculator

Does "21" add up?
The Movie Slut thinks not. But she doesn't care.
This frenetic rip-off caper takes us to the neon canyons of Las Vegas where a bunch of smart-assed MIT kids count cards and rake in the moolah. Captained by their evil professor, played by a deliciously diabolical Kevin Spacey, this geek squad zips through the casinos raking in the big bucks, until...
Eeeee! It's Laurence Fisbourne!
Who could resist such dopey fun?
Not The Movie Slut.

The Other Boleyn Girl Wins Five Condoms and a Cold Shower

First you've got to get past Scarlett Johansson's lips. They pouf. They pout. They ooze across the big screen. The Movie Slut suggests a simpler title — "The Other."
Johansson is Mary, the other sister, the one who keeps her head while all those around her are losing theirs. And then there's Anne (Natalie Portman) the consummate Rules Girl. She gets the ring, the king, the bling and the guilloting.
"The Other" is a steamy, historical bodice-ripper in the grand sense of the term. But bearing witness to wanton Royals manipulating common folk made the Movie Slut wanna puke. But that was 1536. Surely such behavior is way passe.
Rest in peace, Princess Di.

Stop-Loss Gets Four Condoms and a Flash of Outrage

This movie gives new meaning to the words "Uncle Sam Wants You!"
This Uncle is like an old boyfriend who won't admit it's over.
Ryan Phillipe and his posse have served their time and then some. They're back from Iraq. Ready to get on with their lives.
"Not so fast," Stalker Sam bellows. "I want you...again."
The Movie Slut knows a certain senator who'd call these guys "bitter" small townies.
She thinks they're courageous Americans.
Will Ryan return to the madness of war?
The Movie Slut never reveals an ending.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Under the Same Moon Grabs Five Condoms and a Box of Kleenex

Yeah, it's manipulative.
Yeah, it's messagey.
But The Movie Slut loves this flick. Just thinking about Lou Dobbs freaking out makes her smile.
What we have here is an illegal immigrant Mom separated from her heart-grabbingly cute kid, and you have to see that there's a human story behind the immigration mess.
Beautiful Mom is in L.A. Precocious kid is in in Mexico.
Will they be united?
The Movie Slut was crying into her popcorn. What could be better?

Leatherheads Tackles Four Condoms

Who'd a thunk it? John Krasinski (Office guy) is a giga-hunk! "Leatherheads" brings him out from behind the desk and The Movie Slut is loving what she sees.
Also staring in this romantic comedy/sports flick is Renee Zellweger's wardrobe. The movie about the birth of professional football takes place in the ever-so-stylish 1920s and you gotta love those cloche hats. Renee is a spunky newspaper chick with a penchant for fire engine red lipstick and fiery hot guys.
Two in particular.
George Clooney is the third corner in this love triangle and he's no slouch in this high jinxy flick. The Movie Slut also gives the big guy credit for not hogging the spotlight.

Smart People Earns Three Condoms

Dennis Quaid channels Jack Nicholson. Thomas Haydon Church flaunts his butt. Ellen Page reprises her role as Juno, sans baby bump. And Sarah Jessica Parker doesn't do much of anything unless you count major hair flicking.
So why does The Movie Slut dispense three condoms?
Because she didn't become The Movie Slut by being a discriminating viewer. And, "Smart People" could also be a lot dumber.
It's the latest in the quirky people/dysfunctional family genre without the heart of "Little Miss Sunshine," or the soul of "Juno," and despite the title, it's short on brains, too.
But as The Movie Slut likes to say, "Movies are like men. Perfection is overrated."